copyright Eden E Hopper July 8, 2011
The dreaded time has come again
She sighs and groans, rolls out of bed
She stiffly walks her painful gait
She tries to clear her sleepy....
Heading for the bathroom now
She rushes past the looking glass
Can't even risk a passing glance
In case she sees her growing....
Aspirin and a Tramadol
She hopes will dull her throbbing pain
She drops her clothes around her feet
And steps into the soothing....
Raining down her screaming back
The scalding water numbs her skin
And warms her muscles pinched so tight
What's that?! Someone is coming....
Into the room sweet hubby comes
To ask her how she slept last night
To ask her if she feels okay
She thanks him and says, Oh….
Alright is how she’d like to feel
But- He’s gone now, no time to waste!
She’s scared he’ll see how much she’s gained
Got to go fast! I’ve got to....
Racing she slams the water off
Shakes her limbs and whips the curtain,
Grabs her towel off the rack
There’s just no time to deal with….
Hurtin’ spine and stabbing joints
Reflect the burning in her mind
Self-loathing is a bitter pain
That eats her soul, no peace to….
Finding something quick to wear
Oh, no. That’s all I have that fits?
She grabs his t-shirt… and his jeans
And prays they won’t rip when she….
Sitting just outside the door
She notices her girl and boy
She envies their sweet innocence
As they sit playing with their….
Toying with her curling iron
She does her makeup and her hair
While wheels are turning in her head
How do I live without a….
Caring too much is wrong, she knows
How do I stop? Where would I start?
She knows her image matters not
Compared to what’s within her….
“Heart,” my hubby says, returning
“You look so gorgeous in my clothes!”
My eyes well up with grateful tears
How he could tell, God only….
Knowing with pure intuition
Big brown eyes look up to me
“Mommy, you’re so beautiful!”
My kids say, and it’s plain to….
Seeing is believing, friends
I need to see me like they do and
Kick that voice out of my headSo God’s love can shine through and through
|Woman at the Well|
Lately I have been dealing with a strange phenomenon. Well, strange to me anyway. Ever since about March I started gaining weight. Not like "oops, I gained five pounds" kind of weight. More like "Oh. My. Gosh. What is going ON???" kind of weight.
For a woman who has - except for during and just following both of my pregnancies - never, ever weighed more than 135 pounds sopping wet, putting on well over 30 pounds in 4 months' time is... how shall I say it? Scary as hell. Simply put, terrifying. (And so is the fact that I just announced my approximate weight for all of blogland.)
What's with all the pain talk in the poem? You ask? Well, I've also spent the majority of my adult life in (at least) pretty moderate pain, due to a crooked spine and arthritis.
You wouldn't have known it to look at me, unless you looked a little closer. At least until a couple of months ago. I hid behind tall shoes, stylish hair (okay, sometimes not so stylish,) and as much grace as a klutz like me could possibly muster.
But then, one year ago, I started working graveyard shifts. And - surprise of all surprises - not getting enough sleep. Somehow at first, though, my metabolism had some kind of momentum going and kept on rollin'....
Until March when, like I said, I suddenly started putting on weight. I got increasingly lethargic. My spine and joints hurt even worse than ever. Which makes it very difficult to do any high- or moderate-impact exercise. I'll spare you the rest of the deets, I think you get the point.
Now, three things: (1) I love my job (2) I have to keep it for a very long time (years) and (3) I'm NOT sure it's the reason for all this. All I know is, when the moon and stars are aligned just right and I actually get eight, straight hours of blissful, unadulterated sleep?
I feel awesome. Enough energy to.... No. Not do cartwheels or run around the block ten times. Silly! No, enough energy to do the dishes. Pay some bills. Cook a real dinner!
So rather than draw this out into an even longer and more painful self-disclosure, I'd like to ask you: Do you have any tips for boosting a run-down metabolism?
Remember, telling me "get more sleep" is, unfortunately, preaching to the freaking choir, yo. J So please refrain from the obvious (i.e., "caffeine!" or "stay away from caffeine!") and give me somethin' I can sink my teeth into! (Preferably just proverbial teeth though; I'm trying to lose weight. Hahaha.... oh.)
Also, I'm hooking this post up to an awesome linkup called The Bigger Picture: Simple Moments. The poem I wrote above is based on a real-life simple moment - me getting ready for the day and struggling with my self-image - and the bigger picture: my wonderful little family reminding me what truly matters.